Cast My Cares

It was Sunday, January 24th, 2021 when I got the phone call. A call that I wasn’t expecting and yet, for at least the foreseeable future, I don’t think I’ll forget.

It was the call that told me COVID was now affecting people close to me. People who are very important to me. People who I can’t imagine my life without.

As soon as the news came through my end of the phone, my breath caught in my throat, and the initial response was panic and fear. From that point, I then felt positive and hopeful. And then later that day I felt sad, alone, and very much as though the sky were falling. And then there was anger and bitterness.

And I didn’t want to pray. Despite any of those feelings, I didn’t have the motivation. I tried but nothing ever sounded “right”. My prayers felt lacking in this scenario. Not lacking on God’s end but mine.

I felt worried and angry for most of Monday and Tuesday. But Tuesday night, something changed. I was tired. I’d be on edge for around 2.5 days thinking about the “what if’s”. There was so much uncertainty. I just started praying that I wanted those people in my life to be okay. I wanted them to be healed. My seemingly natural guilty conscience told me it wasn’t enough. I prayed “God, I’m sorry I don’t have more words, I just want them to be okay.“

At that moment, God gave me words. It was the words of the song “Cast My Cares” by Finding Favour.

I start singing those words, a bit jumbled I admit as it had been quite a while since I’d heard the song. But sang something along the lines of this:

I will cast my cares on You! You’re the anchor of my soul, the only one who gives me hope.

I know these aren’t the actual lyrics, but it’s what God gave me to sing. Then came the simple, repetitive line:

Cast my cares, I will Cast my cares, I will cast my cares on You.

I sang it softly and closed my eyes. I sang those simple lyrics over and over again until I could breathe again. I opened my eyes and said “Thank You” to God because in that moment I could feel the surrounding embrace from God in the form of the Holy Spirit all around me which I so desperately needed.

It was a beautiful moment. A calming and comforting moment. But I didn’t walk away from that moment having any more clarity or certainty of what would happen in this situation. What I did walk away with though was the reminder that I can always return to that moment. That moment where I was enveloped in God’s arms, resting rather than struggling, all I need to do is ask.

Until next time.