Simple Truths Your Heart Needs

Hello and welcome back or welcome if you are new!

Today I want to share a revelation with you that came over me this evening*. Something I feel like I should’ve known and understood my whole life but didn’t until this evening. It’s personal, it’s honest and I need to share it. So here it is.

*NOTE: I'm posting this quite a while after I wrote it so "this evening" doesn't really mean "this evening" as in the day I'm posting it. It was probably around two weeks ago or so, I just like to be upfront and honest.🥰

After putting my son to bed, exhaustion was weighing on me and I almost skipped out on most of my nighttime cleaning routine to go straight to bed. Basically I was just going to do the bare minimum that would ensure we had clean dishes and a clean high chair in the morning and that was it. I began to listen to a sermon and got a burst of energy, so I went ahead with my full cleaning routine.

This is nothing new. I listen to a sermon every day normally and then after I’ve listened to a sermon I listen to my favorite royal podcast (Pod Save the Queen) while I clean. I started listening to the episode I had started last night that I hadn’t finished. But I kept having this gnawing sensation. This push that said, “go listen to one more sermon.”

I have to be honest, I ignored it because I love listening to my royal podcast and it’s a big part of my nighttime routine. So I finished the little bit of that episode I had left, but yet the feeling was still there. That feeling was the Holy Spirit.

I grab my phone and go back to the series I have been listening to for the past few days. I’ve been listening to sermons from a church I used to attend and they did a series at the beginning of this year called ”Meat and Potatoes”. It’s been all about the Bible and why we need it. Its a great series and the sermon I was lead to listen to was the last one and it was like the best saved for last. Honestly, probably the best sermon I’ve ever heard to date.

To give you some backstory about me, I struggle with a negative self-image, and along with that comes a lot of unnecessary guilt, fear, and bad self-esteem. Its taken me years to realize this. The day this revelation happened was an especially rough day. Not outwardly, but inwardly. The entire day I felt I was doing everything wrong, paranoid I was going to do something to cause my husband or son to be sick or get hurt. For example, at dinner, I was opening a jar of green beans to make. As I was popping the lid off the mason jar a piece of the lip of the jar broke. It was stuck to the lid and a piece flew off into the floor. No big deal, I’ll get another jar. I start to make it and paranoia sets in. Did I check the pot to see if glass got in it? I didn’t see any, it’s fine. But what if it’s in the strainer I used? Why didn’t I check? This is ridiculous, it’s fine. You found all the glass. Pause 10 minutes. But did you? No. It’s not safe. Wait, it’s fine. Overreacting. I have to cut up Asher’s anyway, so I’ll be sure there’s no glass. But what if David has a piece of glass in his? What should I do? Oh, why won’t someone just tell me what to do? It's not worth it. Do we have corn? Yes, corn. Forget this we are done. Better safe than sorry. But I’m wasting two cans of beans. Waste beans or kill your family, what’s your choice? Okay, okay. No beans. Corn it is. I don’t want to lose my boys. Yeah... exhausting, right?

But that was my brain ALL day. Fear. It drove my decision about the beans. But that wasn’t all, then came to the guilt about wasting the beans and not making beans to complete one of my husband’s favorite meals. I couldn’t do anything right. Do you have those days?

I have this deep fear of losing my loved ones. If you’ve read my previous post about dealing with grief, you’ll know I lost my dad at an early age and because of that I almost expect to lose people. When my husband speaks about goals and retirement, my thoughts go to that won’t happen, you’ll be gone. And I think that because I watched the dreams my parents had come crumbling down with the death of my father. It's my experience so its what I expect. And I feel like it’s partially my fault. I feel as though if I don’t do something or because of something I’ve done in the past, that God is going to swoop in and take my loved ones as a price for my sin. It sounds silly and I never realized that’s what I was doing until now.

Today had been a particularly just hard day mentally. So when I was lead to listen to this sermon, I kind of expected more guilt to come from it because I wasn’t doing things right in God’s eyes. But instead, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced happened.

The lead pastor was preaching on obedience and I’ve gone to church my whole life, I knew what obedience was. I thought. The pastor started talking about how we think about obedience two ways: I obey, so I am loved or I am loved, therefore I obey. My mind immediately resonated with the first one. Then the pastor said if you believe that first one, you don’t understand the full love of God and what he thinks of you.

Wait, what?

He goes on to talk about how it doesn’t matter what we do, God loves us and He is for us. Friends, I’ve heard that over and over again but tonight it broke me. It hit. It went through and I understood it. God isn’t out to get us. We don’t have to earn His love. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done or where we fall short, He loves us and WE bring Him joy. I’d never even dreamed that I brought joy to God. I thought it was just always the other way around. Hearing that made me breakdown. Tears filled my eyes as I was sweeping the floor. It was just an overwhelming feeling that somehow my whole life I've never felt or understood. I mean, I grew up in a Christian home and always have gone to church (bar a few months here or there) but I honestly don't think anyone had ever said that to me. And because of that revelation, I understood. I don't have to do anything to gain God's love. I obey God because He loves me. Not the other way around. You don't have to earn God's love. It doesn't mean you walk around intentionally doing wrong things, no. When you are this kind of relationship with God and you truly feel that love, you do want to obey. It's kind of like the whole respect things. I feel my children respect me so much more when I show respect to them. I am loved, therefore I obey. I don't obey because I'm terrified or guilty, I don't obey because I am trying to pay off a debt, I obey because God loves me and I love Him.

A while later in the sermon, something else resonated with me. The pastor started talking about the things we have in our life that make us feel guilty, scared, and/or ashamed. And you know what he said? Those things are forgiven. No, like actually forgiven. Not "forgiven" to be thrown in your face again the next time you mess up, actually forgiven. Bought by the blood of Christ. It was another moment that just hit me for the first time. Even though I've heard "forgiven" my whole life, it hit me in a totally new way last night. In a way that I never thought imaginable.

He then went on to talk about how faith without action isn't much. That hit me too. I think oftentimes we see the word action and think it means only doing for others. But sometimes, action means for us to take action in our own hearts and minds. When we are asking God for forgiveness, we can't receive unless we act upon it and take it. If we are watching shows that are making our hearts feel convicted, we need to act upon it and stop. Faith takes action.

Friends, I don't know who else needed to hear this but listen to me, please:

- God loves you. Read it again. God loves you. Despite what you've done, there's nothing you can do to earn His love, it's just there.

- You are forgiven. One more time. You are forgiven. Not just a little. Completely, fully, a new creature in Christ.

And this is all right in front of you. You just have to ask.

Going into this evening I felt the weight of my "never good enough" complex that was born and has grown with me since my childhood so heavy on my heart. When I heard the words, God loves you, and You are forgiven, I physically felt the weight go. I felt Satan leave my presence, because for once in my life (despite the fact that I thought I believed it before) I believed those things. I don't have to be paranoid to the point of almost compulsive behaviors in order to keep my family safe or happy. I don't have to say things exactly right or be perfect. If I mess up, God isn't going to take away those I love from me. He's going to forgive me if I ask Him to. He's going to make me better if I ask Him to. Action. It's something we have to take.

I know it sounds so simple and I'd grown up hearing these concepts but for whatever reason, I heard these truths tonight and it was everything. Exactly what I didn't know I needed.

Sometimes the simple things are what we need. It's sometimes that basic need of love that can fix so much. And sometimes, that gnawing in your heart to do something is because you will get exactly what you need from it. I didn't want to listen to another sermon, I wanted to dive into the Royals and forget where I was. But the Holy Spirit pushed me and I obeyed and I'm so glad I did.

Whatever is going on in your life, no matter how complex, I hope you can recall these simple truths.

Sometimes simple is better and truly, love is what we need. It's the greatest motivator.

As always, thank you for reading, I'm so happy you are here.

Until next time.